I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
