What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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