He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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