He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
