Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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