I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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