Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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