he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
