JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
