did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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