hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
