We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
