Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
