College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
