there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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