I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Randomize
