I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
