my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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