So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
