found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
