I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
