Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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