He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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