Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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