she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dick has a subreddit
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
