Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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