I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
smell my finger.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
