I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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