Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
