Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
