i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
