So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
