My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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