WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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