If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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