Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
