Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
