I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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