haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
