my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
