VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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