when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
