my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
