He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
