I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
