so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
