This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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