Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
