Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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