We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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