So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
