You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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