I'm so fucking centered right now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
