wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
