So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
